Where Did Tracy Go?

What a poor neglected blog.

We've been in a rut since Easter. We haven't done anything interesting, just lived our lives day to day. No one wants to see posts about me cleaning my toilet or Jake working an extra shift.  So I'm slapping up some photos from my Instagram.

Maybe I should let Chucky Sue write some posts for me...

Hopping down the Bunny Trail: Easter Egg Hunts in Roanoke

Instead of driving down to our normal egg hunt (Missed you guys this year!) we stayed in town to get to know our community better- our neighborhood hosted one huge egg hunt, and a local cupcake shop held a much smaller one a few hours later. As much as I miss Radford, I love our new neighborhood!! You can walk easily to so many different places. We packed up our trusty stroller in the morning and headed out to hunt some eggs.

The larger one was run by volunteer teenagers (I think they were a youth group from a local church) so it was a little scatterbrained, but still enjoyable. They had lots of games set up for the kids, a few bunnies to pet, and a HUGE egg hunt. Chucky Sue just wanted to get the 10 closest eggs to her and be done. She gets that from both me and Jake- we don't like huge crowds either.  The eggs were filled with mini chocolate eggs and stickers, a huge hit for Chucky Sue.

We walked to a really yummy restaurant for lunch, then to the cupcake shop for the smaller, yummier hunt. 

They had chalk set out for the kids while the workers hid the eggs everywhere. Chucky Sue was so mad that she had to stop coloring to hunt those eggs. We only made her get a handful before letting her go back to coloring the sidewalk. Of course the best treat was the free cupcake coupon we found- Chucky Sue and I split her favorite- the oreo cupcake!

Once we got back home, we had to break out the chalk Nonie sent us! Chucky Sue decorated our back steps with beautiful scribbles, had me draw some of her favorite animals and I sort of taught her hopscotch- she really just runs up and down the squares yelling "jump-jumpy!"

Today was the "fun" side of our easter celebration. Tomorrow I'm going to try to focus on the religious side, remembering the sacrifice Jesus Christ made for me, my family and every soul on this earth.

"Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die."

- John 11:25-26

Such a Grown Up Thing to do!

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and for the first time, Jake and I are hosting a family event. My mother  and sisters-in-law always host our weekly sunday dinners and family birthday parties. I'm even cooking the main part of dinner- everyone else is bringing sides or desserts. (Chicken Pot Pie, for those of you wondering)

It's ridiculous how much it's making me feel "grown up". It's like I have a list in my head of things you have to do to become an adult. Or maybe it's more like Bingo- and I've finally got my five across! (Turning 18 is the free space right?)

I've decorated the house, cleaned everything, and prepared billions of dozens of cookies. Jake's family acts out the nativity each year- and I made silly felt costumes for the angel, Mary, the wise(wo)man and a shepherd.

I hope you all are having a great holiday season! I have two-three more holiday posts lined up then back to regular scheduled randomness!

Next Two Weeks: Budget Blessings

Clever readers of this blog may have noticed that I didn't do  a second update on our thin budget after the first installment. I had one all planned out,  showing the next few "cheapie" meals I was going to make and talk about how we're all doing. But then something changed- and the whole course of this blog series was turned upside down.

Instead of going out, Jake and I spent tuesday cleaning up the house, we dug out boxes that have been packed since our first move. In one of the boxes was all the memories from my trip to France from high school (Yeah, I went to France. It was pretty sweet.) in among the sugar packets (Yeah...I don't know.) old metro tickets and tourist maps, was over 50EUR!  I kept a few coins for memory purposes and we're depositing the rest.

So, adding what ended up being $70ish to our account took a LOT of the stress off. I knew my kid would have diapers, we wouldn't need to eat ramen for 5 days straight. I was feeling pretty good. I even wrote a little "p.s" segment to put at the end of next budget post.

Then I was checking my emails and goofing around on blogger (did you notice my new color scheme? I'm still tweaking it- tell me what you think!) and I got an email from app.socialspark.com- one of my advertisers. I had been paid for my past three sponsored posts- giving me $28 in my paypal account! We used $14 for some "extra" groceries and the other half for gas. I also have another $15 coming my way next week! So instead of budgeting a whole two weeks on less than $25- I've gained over $100!

Jake was also blessed- he managed to get extra overtime shifts at his everyday job, plus a  translation job from his on call gig. While we don't get that money right away, it will help very much in us "bouncing back" from this week. On top of all that, my mom sent us a care package with a hamburger helper dinner kit, some muffin mixes, and most importantly- a new water filter for Chucky Sue!

While I know we would have survived if all these things hadn't happened, they were such great blessings. I know 100% we got these blessings because we decided to pay tithing first, even though we knew it'd be tough. We're now enjoying this week, instead of just living through it.  Heavenly Father made it possible for us to find/discover/earn this extra money this week specifically- letting me know that He does indeed love me and care about even my smallest of problems.

So this who series took on a whole new turn- and I think it's become something even better than it could have been before.

Our Newest Visitor

Just a few short days after saying goodbye to Nonie and Ooogie we had a new visitor, of the unwelome sort. 

(No this is not an actual photo- you think I had time to take a photo!?)

While playing in Chucky-Sue's room I heard her say "Meow?" and looked up to see what she was pointing at.

it was a HUGE rat crawling on her radiator.

After much shrieking, frustration, jumping up and down, creative cursing and "oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh"-ing, Jake was able to capture the nasty thing and GET IT OUT  OF MY HOUSE. 

Chucky-Sue thought it was the funniest thing ever and would jump up and down when I did. We then camped out in the living room together because I had to psych myself up just to walk PAST the room, let alone allow my child to SLEEP in there!! I'm doing better today, I let Chucky Sue take her nap in there and she survived. But every little sound that this old house makes puts me on edge. 

This is a long about way of telling you that you all need to leave comment convincing Jake that we need to adopt a cat.

Nonie and Ooogie came to visit

My parents came down for a quick visit over veteran's day weekend- mostly to spoil Chucky Sue and maybe say hi to me and Jake. They camped out in my modest sized living room-  Nonie on a camping cot, Oogie on what I believe was a pool float? He swore it was more comfortable than our air mattress! We celebrated a mini-christmas, (along with a skype call to my sister who had to stay up in New England for school) went to Jake's grandmother's wedding, and played in our new city. Except for Nonie and Chucky Sue getting sick on the last day, it was a great visit.

 Chucky Sue is loving the toys they left behind, a toy kitchen ("Num Num!") and a bucket of my old pony toys ("Ho Knee") have been the play sets of choice. She is definitely missing the 24/7 attention and I'm missing my mom as the built in babysitter and my dad washing the dishes every night. They treat us too well and we can't wait for another visit.

Confession Time

Listen, I want to be honest with you guys. I have a new favorite show.

You'll probably think I'm weirder than I normally seem...

It's not a show that a normal 23 year old would like. In fact, it's meant for 7 year olds who happen to love the color pink. but it is SO GOOD.

it's such a sweet and funny show! In a world of tacky reality shows and bad bad "comedy" sitcoms it is nice to have a show that's just plain FUN with no obvious sexual overtones. There is magic, apples, fashion, parties, and animals- something for everypony. :)

that and Rainbow Dash is the BEST pony.

31 Days of Halloween: Day Five

I grew up in New England with parents who tolerated halloween and decorated while my sister and I were young. We wore sweatshirts and winter coats under our store bought costumes and my parents dutifully marched us up and down our neighborhood streets to get free candy from the community until our fingers were blue (from the lollipops, not the cold.)

Now that I'm grown with a kid of my own I'm remembering all the memories my parents gave us. My mom may not claim to be very creative or artsy but every holiday our house was decorated with pictures and paper garlands. I have a whole tub of homemade christmas ornaments she kept for years after I made them.

thanks mom and dad, for such a happy childhood!

Adult-like Decision Making

We needed a new printer, our old trusty $29.99 Target Special finally crapped out on us the last time we tried to change ink cartridges. We had a goal. This new printer must be:

1. Wireless, so we can print from the living room (where the computers are) without having to lug the laptops back and forth and keep track of all the cords.

2. Be able to scan reasonable well, I need that for a lot of my digital artsy stuff. (not having a ridiculous 90's style fax machine attached would be a plus too....)

3. be less than $100 total with not-super-crazy expensive ink.

we found ourselves at our local Wal-Mart, place for all things cheap and quick. We found exactly three printers for sale. The first was an identical match to the one we already one-but not wireless. the other two were pretty much exact copies of each other. Jake and I stood there looking back and forth at each box, comparing print speeds and ink layouts and whatamajiggers and whozamawhatzees.

"Well, which one do you like?" He asked me.
"I dunno. which one do you like?" I replied.
"Just pick one Tracy!!" The poor man was tired from his overnight shift, and was spending money. Those are two things he hates.

I studied the boxes some more. They each had a nifty SD card reader, pretty LCD display screens... Then I saw it, the extreme deciding factor in this Very Important Decision.

The Kodak ESP Printer came with 

 Harry Potter Image Editing Software.

That was it, that lone sticker half ripped off by a careless employee is what got Kodak our hard-earned money over whatever that other printer was. I am now trying so hard to finish the printing project I initially replaced our printer for so I can go play with all the pretty EXCLUSIVE and OFFICIAL images.

I am such a good grown up.

P.S. I can't believe this is the first post I've needed the tag "harry potter" for before!!

Moving Forward: Education

I quit school about 6 months into my marriage. We were poor, I needed to work, my loans had been messed up due to some poor educational study habits, it just didn't make sense at the time. Since then we've moved twice, had several babies and medical issues, Jake got back into school, graduated, had a job, lost the job, got another (slightly inconvenient) job, and now we're dipping our toes into the idea of buying a house. (The water is very very cold.)

But once Chucky-Sue was born I was saying "I want to finish school."  Which is of course the most logical thing to think once giving birth to premature and mortally ill twins. Obviously the labor pain drugs were addling my brain.  Now that the drugs have worn off and I'm still thinking about it.

I've hit a roadblock though- what doI want to study? Art? No. French again? Mais non. Education? Naw...

Then, SWOOSH, comes the job from nowhere- My mom knew an author who needed someone to work from home (perfect!) and manage her online profiles for her book. I like books, I like online communities. It was a perfect fit. I love this job, I get to go online and talk to others about how fun the book is, I get to do crafts, design ads and artwork and get paid for it. I got a glimpse inside the world of book publishing, and I think I'm hooked.

I want to go to school for  English and Business degrees. I don't know when or how or where, but I take those degrees and work at home as a full-time online marketing manager and designer for a book publisher (Doesn't that make my job sound so much more fancy?)

There it is, out there in cyberspace. One day I'll look back on the post and either think "Yes, I did it!" or "Where's the delete button so I can forget this ever came out of my fingertips!"

Memory

I'm only in my early twenties but I'm fairly certain I'm losing my memory. If I ever had one to begin with, I don't remember! (oh the puns, I got a million of 'em!)

Jake is always laughing at me when I try to get ready to go somewhere. My internal thought process goes something like this:

 I pick up my phone. oh but wait, we need diapers. But where did I put my phone in between picking it up and getting the diapers? oh that's right by the microwave cause I was making bottles and I didn't want it to get wet. but where'd that bottle go? It's in the bag, good. okay. my phone? it's in the bag. It's not? oh no, I saw it by the microwave but I never picked it up! diapers? What? They are on the couch NEXT to the bag. Okay, almost done. keys, keys need my keys. Used them yesterday to get the mail... mail is on the nightstand...no keys. Keys keys keys....Aha, keys in the bathroom because I used the jagged edge to open one of my stubborn body butter jars. Let's go!

all this takes me walking up and down our one tiny hallway about seventy times with Jake laughing by the door with Chucky-Sue. Going in one room, out but back in to double check one spot, My tiny two bedroom apartment  can hide so many of my things! I'm not looking forward to when Chucky-Sue can start moving my things around along with Jake (My keys do not belong on my desk. my desk eats everything that touches it!!)

I'll soon be posting another video, this is one of chucky-sue laughing at my renditon of the mickey mouse clubhouse closing song :) Unless I forget!

Spoiled Rotten

No, this post isn't about Chucky-Sue, it's about me!

I admit it, I am spoiled. As spoiled as I can be on our budget anyways. Jake treated me to a very nice birthday celebration this year. I got a subscription to Netflix (I love the streaming videos through the Wii, lots of discovery channel shows!), a graphic pen tablet, a season of NCIS and then I got to go shopping after dinner. I got a new journal and a weekly planner. All these presents are nice, and I certainly enjoy them but nothing beats having Jake give me a smooch, tell me he loves me and then snuggling together with Chucky :)

(also side story: Every time I think "Gosh I'm getting old" I just have to look at Jake and remember "but at least I'm not THAT old yet!" =D )

My Little Pests

No, not my children.

No, my house isn't infested with buggies.

My gallstones are my little pests.

These things are PAINFUL. I'd MUCH rather go through labor again and  again and again than to deal with the pain these tiny buggers cause me. They make me feel as if I'm getting strangle, stabbed and kicked in the stomach all at the same time.

Tonight I went to the ER with a REALLY bad attack (it came with fever and nausea) and was told "Your bloodwork is fine, we don't really know what's wrong."

Tomorrow I'm having an ultrasound to see how bad my gallstones are (amount, size, location etc.) and hopefully seeing that they haven't hurt my liver or pancreas.

I cannot wait to have real insurance to be able to get this silly non-essential organ yanked out of me!! (I'll be all pro-healthcare bill if I can get that!!)

Numbers

0- the number of the amount of care I have about March Madness (No University or Tech, No Care.)

3- the record number of hours in a row Chucky-Sue was awake

4- the number of Friends DVDs I can go through in one day with Chucky-Sue

5- the number of meals left that my Mom made

6- the number of bottles we own

7- the number of pounds that Chucky-Sue weighed at her last doctor appointment (plus 5 ounces!)

8- the number of times I wash  bottles a day

8 to 10- the number of diapers I change daily

29- the number of days till I turn 22

35- the number of pounds I've lost! (sure, 10lbs+ of that was baby, but don't rain on my parade!!)

200- the number of posts in this blog

My Littlest Baby Girl

Tuesday night was the best and worst night of my entire life. On February 23rd, Jake and I had Angelina's heart medicine stopped as there was no cure/surgery/magical fix for her many problems. Any attempt at surgery would have killed her, and there is no pill to take to grow a new kidney (outside of Star Trek).

That night Jake and I were able to cuddle our little one without any wires or tubes. She truly is gorgeous, she has such soft features and pudgy little baby hands. We sang to her, told her how much we loved her, we cried with her. She was so incredibly strong, she lasted much longer without her medicine than we ever imagined she would. Late into the night (or really, early into the morning) all three of us snuggled together on the bed (Chucky-Sue looked on from her bassinet, we did cuddle her too!) Jake and I have the same favorite/worst memory of that night, we both took turns just laying down next to her and just watching her sleep, wiggle and play with her hands. It was amazing to see her alive, and terrible to know she was dying and not being able to do a thing about it.

At 5:30am I was cuddling her as Jake dozed, I knew she had passed, but wasn't able to say anything until the nurse had come in a few minutes later to check on us. We hugged her and cried. We kept her with us till 6, then called the rest of our family to tell them. I then scooped up little Chucky-Sue and let her baby-smell comfort me.

Angelina's memorial was beautiful. It was amazing to see the support from the ward and Jake's work friends. R3D2 had reminded us days ago that Michael's first blessing for Angelina had come true: She had inspired so many people to come together, she taught our family about love and strengthened our testimony about eternal families.



Jake and I truly and 100% believe that Angelina's main purpose in being alive was to somehow get Chucky-Sue to us. Either Chuck had such a stubborn spirit that didn't want to go alone, or her physical body wouldn't have survived alone- Somehow, some way Angelina was crucial in us having Chucky-Sue. We owe her so much for that alone. She did much more than that in her 10 short days. She brought me and Jake even closer together. She inspired an entire hospital to learn about her defects and hopefully give them more answers for future cases. There are doctors across the world studying her case. She confirmed to me, our family, and so many others the importance of the gospel. She opened doors for Jake and I to share our beliefs with the nurses and other NICU-moms. She completed a whole life in 10 days, she's done far more than I could ever hope to do. Her spirit is far stronger than I deserved to be a mother to, she is what I hope to become someday.

I didn't cry very much at her memorial or graveside service. I was prepared to, with my pockets stuffed with kleenex, but I didn't feel sad. Well. No; I DID feel sad, I still do. It tears at my heart every second of every day. But at that moment, I felt nothing but peace and comfort. I felt that my baby girl, my littlest, was fine. She was more than fine, she was ecstatic to be back with our Heavenly Father. I know she's going to be watching out for our family, guiding us. (I've told her she better be, because I know I'll need the help.)



I want to write down just a few short memories of Angelina, mostly for me to remember, but also to share her adorableness.

1. Her feet. I won't post full-body photos ever of Angelina, I don't want them to spread around the internet and get made fun of. But oh. my. goodness. Her feet were fuh-reak-ing cute. They were attached at the heel, but both were super ticklish. (Just like mommy's!) each of her nurses loved to see her squirm her little toes. She was very much a charmer to her NICU nurses, they all loved her.

2. Her Naming Blessing. R3D2, Superman and Grandpa helped Jake give Angelina the most beautiful naming blessing I've ever heard. Normally in a naming blessing, the father can go on about how to live their adult lives, and how they'll grow up. Jake was truly inspired (or just a mouthpiece and not even thinking, you'd have to ask him.) by the lord. A lot of the blessing had to do with Angelina's special relationship with Chucky-Sue, and how it wouldn't end with Angelina's passing. That was a great comfort to me, as one of my deepest regrets about Angelina passing is that Chucky-Sue may not remember her little sister. Knowing that Angelina will be with Chucky-Sue and be caring for her was a huge relief for new mother instincts.

3. Her love. okay. She was an infant, couldn't do much more than sleep and cry. But her love, her peace just radiated off of her. She only ever cried when she was in pain (after two surgeries, that's acceptable.) Every one of Jake's blessing for her, including when she was in utero, always mentioned her loving nature. The day we found out about her defects,  Jake had his hand on my stomach and felt of her love. He said that even though her physical heart is broken, and half it's normal size, her capacity to love was ten fold.


4. Her Binky. She would have been a binky-a-holic. The last night, the only thing that would calm her down before a nurse could get there to give her more pain medication was her binky. Even when it fell out of her mouth (note: preemie-size binkies need to be invented.) she would continue phantom-sucking on it. It was just one of those things that make me go awwwwww. (In contrast, Chucky-Sue is really only interested in a binky a short while after eating.)

I have a million other little things I could list, her swelling, her pudgy little fingers, her gorgeous eyes, her mohawk, her burial dress, her songs, her anything. I'm sure I'll have more posts about her in the future, whenever Chucky-Sue does something cute, I'm sure I'll think of Angelina and if she'd be doing it too.

Thanks for reading my word-vomit. I just wanted to get it down (what I'm willing to share in public that is) before Chucky-Sue came home and I had even less time.

Valentines Day

So.

I had planned to blog about my parent's trip down for Valentine's day weekend. I even took photos of our full freezer and new baby swag, but something has come up that I think you readers want to know about more!

I woke up 2 am on sunday in a pool of water on our bed, after waking up Jake I called UVA's labor and delivery and they sent me to Our Town's Community Hospital to be checked and then get transported to UVA. We packed up our bags real quick, called family and got ourselves to the hopsital.

Once there, they checked me and I had dilated to 3cm. It wasn't until after I got to the hospital that I started to have contractions. They gave me medicine to slow them down, they also gave me antibiotics and a steroid shot to help the babies lungs are much as possible.

Around 4 I got on the ambulance with two OB nurses and we took off for UVA. We made very good time, got there in less than two hours, but my contractions had gotten stronger and weren't getting farther apart. The nurses said I was humming and singing through them, I don't remember much apart from OW OW OW.

At UVA, they checked me again and I had gotten to 5cm, at that point it is nearly impossible to slow/stop labor enough to have any positive effect on the babies. Jake, his parents and my parents all arrived shortly after 8am. At 9:06, I was rolled into the OR to be prepped.

I had a spinal block, which just felt like my whole lower body just got pins and needles and then fell asleep. It worked so well that when they called Jake in (with his handsome blue unitard) I didn't know when they actually started the surgery. Every once in a while it felt like a sandbag was on my chest, but I didn't feel any pain. I did get sick from the medicines, and it happened just as they got Chucky-Sue out, so I only remember the poor girl I got sick on. Chucky-Sue did give me a scare, as she didn't start to cry right away, but she caught up quickly. Jake got to take photos as they examined both babies, and then was allowed to hold them before they went into the NICU. I was able to give them kisses and watch Jake hold them before they were whisked away for more tests.

Then Jake has his own story about following the babies to the NICU and being with them. I was taken to a recovery room, where I got to try to move my toes for four hours. I wasn't allowed out into my room until I could move my knees to get into my own bed. I now know why the nurses were so gruff about me moving, it's definitely helped me feel better faster and be able to go down  and visit in the NICU.

And that's all it took for me to turn into a Mom.

a mom.


wow.

Snow Day

Flakes.
Dusting.
Drifts.
Ice.
Powder.
Flurry.


Whatever you call it, I like it. Snow is my favorite weather condition ever, even as an adult when I have to deal with people getting to and from work, shoveling the icy walkways, or digging out our car. It's beautiful, fun and comes in all different types. Jake and I have spent the day snowed in watching DVDs, eating yummy snacks (Well, HIS are yummy, I'm on my 3-day gestational diabetes pre-diet. No sugar for me!) and just talking. It's nice to take a break from real life and just be with each other. :)

Image from: Bryant Altizer Photography

Happy Thanksgiving!

Jake and I celebrated with his family this year. We ate a DELICIOUS dinner, had funny conversation and played games. (Jake and I creamed Grandma and Nana in TriBond, hehe) I've been reminded through chain emails, facebook, tv shows, news programs and fabulous parades to share what I am thankful for this year.

I am thankful for a wonderful husband who, while he maintains he's an evil mastermind, is truly sweet, kind and funny.

I am thankful for in-laws who have welcomed me into their family entirely and treat me as one of their own.

I am thankful for the gospel and the never-ending comfort and support it has provided in my life.

I am thankful for forgiving parents who raised me to be kind, polite and a well-rounded individual.

I am thankful for friends both near and far that can make me laugh with a single word or knowing look.

I am thankful for all the children in my life who brighten my day. (including the tiny twins who can wake me with swift kicks!)

I am thankful for maternity jeans- seriously they're mega comfortable.

I am thankful for cellphones, keeping me in touch with loved ones who are far away from me.

I am thankful for so many things, there is NO way I could list them here without boring you (I can't think of clever quips for all of them!!) Now I will remind you to share what you're thankful for this season, and the whole year through!




...wow that sounded cheesy eh?

Double your pleasure, Double your fun

At my high risk ultrasound yesterday the tech gave us the BIGGEST shock ever. I was VERY lucky I was lying down when she told me because I was close to fainting. Jake and I are having TWINS.

In case you misread that, that's TWO BABIES.

I'll let you have a moment to drink that in.


Ready? okay.

I am constantly see-sawing between deliriously happy and scared beyond all belief. We had just hammered out how we were going to afford the one baby, and it was going to be tight but right now caring and raising two babies just seems impossible! Not to mention the fact that we have a hard enough time keeping a single baby in my uterus long enough, let alone two. Our heads are just swimming with all this new information. The ultrasound said everyone was growing just fine, they each had their own healthy placenta. Baby A is a girl, and a VERY active one. She wiggled, danced and squirmed during the entire ordeal. Baby B was very modest and refused to give us a good shot, so we don't know the gender yet. S/he was much more laid back and didn't want to move around much (possibly because her/his sister was going nuts!)

Thankfully I do have an aunt who had twin girls just before Jake and I got married, and we have friends in our ward who've had twins and just warning you guys- We'll be bugging you for advice, information and tips A LOT.

Two. Deux. Dos. TWINS

I heard a funny joke today...

Uterus: Knock Knock!
Tracy: Who's there?
Doctor: A Baby!
Jake A Baby who???
Ultrasound: A Baby Girl!!!

Isn't it funny?