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12.13.2009

Lately...

There's been some recent events that have had my mind swimming with questions. After getting some troubling news, my mind went somewhere I would have never guessed- to a young women's sunday lesson. I remember vaguely learning about talents. Our presidency had gotten our parents to write down what they believed their child's talents were. I remember wishing I had a more "outward" talent like my friends. Some were amazing at sports, or very musically gifted. Others were very intellegent or creative. I remember one of the talents my parents wrote down for me was Peace Maker, that in social situations (specially school) I didn't continue fights and I'd tried to be inclusive with everyone. This is a talent I'm proud to have and I treasure it, but at 15 it's not as cool as being able to shoot 100% at the three point line or sight-read terribly hard music.

My mind also went to 3rd grade, my favorite elementary school year. I had an amazing teacher Mrs. Gray and some great close friends. I also remembered one boy. His name was Cory and he had some sort of physical and mental disability. (At 8 years old it didn't matter much what it exactly was) He was a perfect sweetheart and I remember trying hard to include him in everything. Not out of social guilt which I think some adults are prone to, not because I was asked to befriend him, but because I liked him. He was funny, kind and I wanted to be his friend.

I was kind of surprised at these thoughts, at the surface they have very little to do with the news I recieved. They were distant memories, long buried by time and hadn't changed my life in any significant way I could see. But after mulling them over, and lots lots lots lots and looots of praying, I am beginning to see a string through all three events.

We found out at the most recent ultrasound on friday that Baby B most likely has a serious heart defect and possibly an extremely rare birth defect called Sirenomelia or "Mermaid Syndrome". His/Her legs do not move independantly of each other and are most likely fused together. It affects 1 in about 100,000 births, and even more so in twins. The extent of either medical problem is currently unknown because of the low quality ultrasound at my previous doctor's appointment. On Friday I switched up to a OB practice in Big City that is directly across the street from the hospital. I'll soon be seeing a pediatric cardiologist for a fetal echocardiogram as well as high-risk ultrasound specialists. Hopefully within the next week or two we'll have more information on the exact diagonsis for both the heart and legs. Thankfully both babies are growing at the right rate, have good weights and everything else looks like it should. (I'll be sure to keep this blog updated for faraway friends and family.)

After the inital freaking out, crying, distraught, and overwhelmed feelings, my mind when to those two memories. At that time it actually annoyed me that my mind could think of anything else but the poor child, but now I think I understand. Heavenly Father was reminding me that he had prepared me for this long ago, in very small and simple ways. He gave me a loving and accepting heart, He sent me to a strong family, most of whom in their own ways have dealt with children with a wide variety of problems, He has given me their experience and advice. He's given Baby B a strong, loving, and protective sister (Baby A). He has everything planned out for us and thanks to these seemingly random memories, I believe I've seen a glimpse of it.

6 comments:

miss jen says:
at: Dec 13, 2009, 6:15:00 PM said...

Have I told you lately that I love you? The manner in which you are handling this journey has made Dad and I very proud of you. Whatever the future holds, you will do great! Your kids are fortunate to receive the opportunity to have you as their Mother. Keep up the good work! I LOVE YOU!

Coiner Family says:
at: Dec 13, 2009, 7:28:00 PM said...

Tracy you are so totally and completely awesome. I miss you! I know you will be able to handle everything that comes your way.

Nicki says:
at: Dec 13, 2009, 8:58:00 PM said...

What a great attitude! I am impressed with the way you have handled all that life has thrown at you lately. If you ever need anything...

Jaime says:
at: Dec 14, 2009, 4:47:00 PM said...

Wow-what a lot to take in. You are in our prayers, as are the babies. I know this will sound totally lame, so please take it as it was intended, but we watched a special on TLC and then saw a follow-up interview with a little girl w "Mermaid Syndrome". In all truthfulness, she came across as the most vivacious, lively, spunky, wonderful little girl. He parents had done a great job of giving her an incredible outlook. It was inspiring...it might be worth a couple minutes.
http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090827-tows-mermaid-girl

Deanna says:
at: Dec 15, 2009, 11:41:00 AM said...

I'm thinking about you Tracy, if you ever need some one different to talk to, remember that I'm here, and I miss you terribly.

I love you.

DEANNA

Anonymous
at: Jan 2, 2010, 3:33:00 AM said...

Amazing as always