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1.14.2011

One Month Left.

So I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out.

why?

Because a certain TV show I had loved long ago- but since losing cable I hadn't watched it in forever. I found it on netflix today, and in the season I'm watching right now the writers thought it funny to pull at my heart strings by putting five children and a husband in mortal danger between two episodes, the cliffhanger of one was of the mother/wife screaming for them.

Really?? I did not need that today. Normally it would have been just sad, not "pause the TV for an half hour while you use half a box of Kleenex" sad.

But today is a little different. Today is the last 14th before Chucky-Sue turns 1. Only 30 days left before my little preemie is considered a toddler! (Not that she actually will do any toddling. Please please no toddling!) Also only 30 days until some hopefully well-healed wounds are put to the test. I've been thinking that Valentine's day will be no more worse than Christmas or Thanksgiving, which I feel I handled well. But as it creeps closer I feel my steely resolve seems to be wavering. I'm hoping the party/houseguest/valentines festivities keeps me just distracted enough so I don't get too weepy. Like I am now. Over imaginary children in imaginary peril.

I am so weird.

2 comments:

Deanna says:
at: Jan 15, 2011, 12:00:00 PM said...

oh Tracy, I wish I could just hug you forever until everything was okay again.

Heather says:
at: Jan 23, 2011, 4:33:00 PM said...

You are so normal! There is only one 'right' way to celebrate and mourn the coming month. And that is how ever you end up doing it. No one has ever done what you are doing. Sure, other people have lost young children, and had a surviving (flourishing?!)twin but no one has ever been in your exact situation. So, whatever you feel, whatever you do, are perfect for this situation.
So will you cut yourself some slack already!! :) You are normal!